What I’m thinking or saying when I’m driving:
1. Pick a lane, dude. Just pick. a stinking. lane.
2. I can only go as fast as the car in front of me. Driving up my tailpipe is not going to make me go any faster.
3. Are you an idiot? Why, yes. Yes you are.
4. People! The left lane if for passing. The right lane is for driving. Get. Ooooover!
5. Oops. Sorry. My car has a horrific blind spot. Rule of thumb: if you can’t see the driver’s face, he or she can’t see you. Just putting that out there.
6. No, really, take your time crossing the street, and when you get to the other side you should write and thank your congressmen for giving pedestrians the right of way.
7. It’s called a blinker. It wants to be used by you.
What I say when I’m a passenger:
1. No. I’m good. Other people’s driving doesn’t bother me.
What I’m thinking when I’m a passenger:
1. Just look out the passenger window and you’ll never know what’s happening.
2. Put the phone down. I value my life even if you don’t.
3. I wish I had a break pedal on this side.
4. And a gas pedal.
5. And a steering wheel.
Have a wonderful weekend and drive safely!