1. Effy rolling on the floor wincing in pain. Me: “What’s wrong?” Eff: “I think I bruised my uvula.” Self to Me: Don’t freak out. It’s that hangy-down thing in the back of your mouth, remember? Me: “Eff, you can’t bruise that.”
2. I’d like to thank The Eagles and America for teaching me how to harmonize. And Mr. Blackman, too.
3. A nice long, hot, soapy shower does wonders for one’s perspective.
4. I overheard some people talking about the Grammys. The man asks, “Did you see Ellen Degenerate?”
5. Every morning, I wish I homeschooled my children, so I don’t have to get up so early. Then I remember I’d have to teach them. “Wakey-wakey, kids!”
6. Totally me, but then I feel compelled to explain it to the person sitting next to me.
7. The Bridge Rebuttal from XKCD:
It’s a little harder to find a logical rebuttal to “If all of your friends decided to poop in the middle of the street, would you do that, too?”